Truth or Dare!

Hello there, readers! I hope you've been having a wonderful week!

Today, I wanted to discuss with you the concept of Truth or Dare.

As a child, or even a teenager, a lot of people here in the United States grew up either playing or hearing about who played this time-worn and habitual game.  I, for one, never played Truth or Dare much as a kid, because I always figured I'd end up with Dare because I'm so quiet and reserved and private that I wouldn't want to tell people my business. At the same time, I didn't really want to do anything gross or scary as a kid, either. I was ruled by fears and therefore didn't see the "fun" of the game that others saw.

These days, I know that I have nothing to hide, but at the same time, the concept of Truth or Dare hinges on whether or not we allow others to BREAK our boundaries! It also hinges, in the Dare category, on what we are willing to do to KEEP our Truth hidden! either way, our boundaries are broken.

"Tell me the truth, or else."

"If you omit anything from the story, that is a lie just as much as if you told one."

I don't know about you, but I grew up with these types of statements from a few people in my life. Well-meaning people, I'm sure, but these kinds of comments tell us that one, we don't know what truth is, and two, that to keep anything to ourselves that is private is not okay. In essence, they teach us that it's alright for others to have boundaries, but not us.

No, this isn't intentional, usually. But it happens.

Truth or Dare. Tell me, or else. Don't tell Mom, or else. Do things MY way, or else. You can't trust your gut, trust what I tell you. Don't do as I do, do as I say.

Aren't these ALL mixed messages? Messages that tell us that our privacy has no value, our opinions have no value, our intuition has no value and is wrong, not to trust our feelings or senses, and that others are exceptions to the rule, but we aren't...

The TRUTH is, though, that your privacy matters. It's OKAY to have boundaries as long as the secrets we keep are HEALTHY. If we say "Don't tell so and so" and it's something about what we have been going through, that is one thing. It's fine to share our testimony with someone but not want the whole world, or specific people, to know what it is that we have been through. Not everyone needs to know everything about us!

If we say, "I cut myself," "I have suicidal thoughts" or other harmful things... those DO need to be shared. Those are unhealthy things that we need help with, and asking for help is essential to receiving it in cases where there may be harm to ourselves or others! If you or someone you know has thoughts, has said something, or displayed actions that lead you to think there may be danger to ANYONE, tell someone in authority that you trust. If there isn't anyone who is human that you trust, ASK GOD FOR HELP. Seriously! Ask Him to guide you to the right people for help who will be trustworthy, and ask Him to help you trust them!!

Our opinions matter, too. Again, this is dependent somewhat on context, as privacy is. An opinion that is harmful or disparaging and unhealthy that crosses into another person's boundaries is not OK, but opinions on what you do or don't prefer are perfectly fine. It's alright that your friend adores lemon ice cream, but you prefer chocolate. There is NO need to change who you are or pretend you like lemon if chocolate is what works for you. And if you prefer your mate to have certain characteristics, what do other people's opinions count toward that?

My point about opinions is this: don't Settle for less than what you desire, as long as it is a HEALTHY, or at least, harm-free desire! So what if your neighbor doesn't like your husband's haircut, or your mother doesn't like your dress? If it is truly not hurting YOU, and it isn't hurting ANYONE ELSE, you are the one who lives with it, right?  At the same time, this goes for spouses, also... if your significant other has a preference that you are not comfortable, and that preference is ABOUT YOU... speak up! If you don't believe you can speak up without negative consequences, if you speak up from a place of love and looking to have peace, then perhaps there is something within the relationship that ALSO needs adjusting.

I've been there with the last situation. I get it, the not wanting to always speak up. And to your parent? Sometimes that's even harder than to a spouse! Yet, in order to set yourself FREE from what you might see as the tyranny of others "telling you what to do," if you go with your OWN gut, listen to the Holy Spirit, and step out in courage, and say, "I appreciate that this is your opinion on my ______, but I will have to agree to disagree with you on this area. This is how I see it...." The Bible tells us that the Son will set us free because He is Truth, and when we know the Truth, the Truth will set us free! In order to HAVE that truth settle in our hearts, e must allow the Holy Spirit to reveal the truth to us, even as He revealed Jesus, the TRUTH, to us!

Our intuition, also, has its place. People sometimes tell us not to feel, not to think, not to act in certain ways that we sense or intuit we should. Sometimes this is ingrained behavior in disguise, and sometimes it really IS intuition speaking. More importantly, sometimes the Holy Spirit SPEAKS to us THROUGH our intuition. We don't always know at the time which voice is speaking; it takes practice to know if the intuition we have received is coming from within us, as flesh, or within us, as the Spirit of God Who resides there, if we are followers of Christ. We can ask Him to help us realize the difference; to discern which is which. And if intuition says one thing, and the Spirit of God another, ALWAYS go with the Spirit! Other people's OPINIONS about what we "should" think, feel, sense, or intuit aren't to be our concern, and aren't what we need to follow. The CHIEF THING is God. What does GOD think about what we are thinking, feeling, sensing, how we are acting, what we are intuiting? Is what we have intuited in LINE with the Word of God? Are we getting a sense that the Holy Spirit may be trying to tell us something through our intuitive faculties, or our feelings? We know that sometimes He also speaks to our thoughts... but how do we know the difference?

One way to tell the difference between whether or not something is from the Holy Spirit i to ask, "Who's the father?"

You might be saying, "OK, Harmony... now you've gone off the deep end? Who's the father? What are you talking about? This isn't a paternity test here... it's about where my thoughts, feelings, actions, intuitions, or whatever are coming from."

Exactly. To which I say again, "Who's the father?"

Let me explain!

I was recently reminded that the word DESIRE can be interpreted as OF THE FATHER. and so, one way to have a better understanding of what is happening within us is to say, WHO is the father of this thought? Who is the father of this action, or this intuition? Where is this desire coming from? Who's the father? Is it the devil, or is it the flesh, or is it God the Father?

Am I living from the flesh, and listening to that?

Am I living for God, really and truly, and following what He tells me?

Am I saying one thing, but listening to a little voice inside that tells me to do something else, something that isn't as nice or good or worthy of praise?

Who's the father?

I dare you to find the truth in that!

To Abide

I was writing a letter the other day in response to one of my very dearest friends, and it got me thinking more and more about what it really is to ABIDE in Christ. While that wasn't the primary topic of our discussion, it was an important one. I was talking about the connection between the Promised Land, which is the fulfillment of God's promises in our lives for His glory, and our abiding in Christ as His words abide in us. This is all a give and take; it all flows together and works as a single unit by faith, but also by walking in LOVE to God, ourselves, and one another.

Part of what I wrote her said, 

"So, as Jesus said if His words abide in us and we abide in Him, we must remember this includes YES, commandments to LOVE GOD first, ourselves, then others, but others equally... it includes YES, being TEACHABLE as His true DISCIPLES, who follow in His footsteps and as "sheep," know His voice... but it ALSO includes His PROMISES, which are inherently CONTINGENT on following Him and trusting Him and loving Him....as long as we are doing all we can for Him in EXCELLENCE, there is NO SUCH THING as failure!!! If a dream comes to pass, then to God be the glory, but we must ALSO be willing to say, if it doesn't it wasn't that God didn't want it to happen, and it isn't because we failed, but that everyone involved... EVERYONE involved in any given promise has free will.... God makes Himself VULNERABLE to us, and in doing so, shows us His love all the more!!! He decided from the get-go to include humanity in co-creating the world, and one way we do so is with our SPOKEN words, but another is the words of our MINDS and HEARTS. Sometimes, God says one thing but the people involved don't all line up with what He said. I believe GOD ALWAYS sees the BEST END FROM THE BEGINNING when He gives us a word, and it is up to us to do our part, but it is also for us to forgive those who might not do THEIRS. And SOMETIMES it looks, sounds, or feels like someone isn't doing their part, and then as soon as we GIVE IT TO GOD because, in reality, we have been trying to PILOT THE DREAM OURSELVES into existence, He truly CAN take over and fulfill the promise He gave us in the beginning in spite of ourselves, and there we are, walking into the Promised Land!!"

Thank you to WeHeartIt.com for today's images.

 If we willingly follow Jesus' teachings and lifestyle, we do so in loving obedience. And to this we are called: to not only FOLLOW, but to ABIDE in and with Him. To abide is to last a long time; to endure. It is to continue on together without changing course, like a ship on a mission from one port to another. The storms may come, but He is to be our CAPTAIN!

In the storm, Jesus is not only our CAPTAIN, but our PEACE! We are called not to fear, doubts, and worries, but to FAITH, to love, to grace, to peace and to joy!

There is NO NEED to hold on to the baggage of worries and fears. There is a time to hold things, and a time to let go. And there is something Good to hold to, and something Harmful. A quote from Jan Glidewell reminds us, "You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present." How true is that? Pretty true! And more importantly, if we are holding onto the past, what about the future, and what about the Savior?

To abide in Christ is to CLING TO HIM instead of anything else. Nothing else compares to the LOVE HE has shed abroad in our hearts, and the love that He demonstrated through His life and death and resurrection, and continues to show in His eternal life as He sits at the right hand of the Father, interceding for us because He loves us that much!

And HOW are we to abide in Christ? What can I DO to embrace the Messiah? "I've tried; I've failed," you might say. "And sometimes, I've given up..."

Here is the secret... the MYSTERY of abiding and the FULFILLING OF IT is to allow the Holy Spirit in. Don't grieve Him or block Him from the role that He is to play in your heart and life. He is to be an interceder on our behalf, as well as our Comforter, and He is to be our GUIDE into ALL LOVE and TRUTH, and if Jesus Christ is TRUTH and LOVE HIMSELF, then doesn't it stand to reason that the Spirit's presence is necessary in order to commune with the Father and therefore glorify the SON?

Hakuna Matata! No worries. Just TRUST GOD and believe that He is doing His part. If you are reading this still, that's a good sigh, indeed. It means that the Holy Spirit is speaking to you, even now, in your secret heart, and helping you along the way toward your ultimate destiny. There is a REASON you are reading this!

I hope this has been a blessing to you today, as much as I have been blessed mulling over it and meditating on it. We are to ABIDE with and in Christ, and He promises to abide in us in return. Isn't that a WONDERFUL challenge, and a graciously awesome gift?!

If you don't know Jesus as your Lord and Savior today, why not give Him a shot? I tell you what... if you will make the decision to trust Him to be faithful through thick and thin, I can assure you He will always be there for you and do all He can and desires to bless you, in each area of your life. The MORE of your life you surrender to Him, the more He will be glorified through your life and bless you in return!

While we don't believe in Him BECAUSE of what He will do for us, it's a lovely thought to know that because He loves us SO MUCH, all we need is to step toward Him at any given point and He will be there, proving His love once more.

Lean Into the Pain

Most of us aren't big fans of pain, are we? Even when it is "good" pain, sometimes we shrink back from it because it is either the unknown, or all too familiar and we just don't want to go there. But one thing I've learned is that, no matter what "kind" of pain we are in - emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically, relationally - sometimes things get better if we LEAN INTO it instead of trying to avoid it.

We all have things we fear. And fears in a way are a type of pain. If we choose to face our fears with courage, wisdom, and a renewed mind that knows deep down we will not REALLY be hurt by what we are afraid of, we are leaning into the pain, learning from it, growing, and gaining confidence all at once. For EACH time we overcome the urge to run or hide from fears, it becomes easier not to do it. Pretty soon, it will become second nature to be courageous and walk toward what w were once so afraid of. We have leaned in, and we have WON that battle... for each and every fear faced.

Does this mean we will never be afraid again, even of what we once feared? Not necessarily, but it will put things in perspective; it will shift our paradigms and cause us to continue growing.

Another example of leaning into the pain is when it is time to say goodbye to a loved on, for whatever reason. Perhaps we know the reason, but perhaps we don't. Perhaps we were blindsided by the loss, and we have decided to act like the person wasn't ever rely there, or didn't really care. Personally, I believe that once we have TRULY cared about someone, we always will. We may not always be happy with them, or in their lives; we may not always like their actions, or their attitudes. But once we have chosen to care, we will ALWAYS care, and so whether loss has come from death, divorce, losing touch over time, or other reason, there is a grieving that must occur. And that grieving is a leaning into the pain.

Does that mean the loss will always hurt? No. But it also doesn't guarantee it will stop hurting once we have finished grieving, either. Life and love are intertwined and therefore each relationship we have experienced changes us in ways we might not even truly comprehend until much later, if ever.

What about those who are runners? They, too, lean into the pain. As long as they are not physically HURT, the pain is a good thing to the degree that they keep their breathing and pace adjusted.

Where are you being challenged to lean INTO the pain? Where are you sensing God tell you it's time to STRETCH, to GROW, to LEAN IN and courageously take the next step you've been called into? Is it a big step, where things can be broken down into tiny ones, or is it something small and tangible; within your reach, if only you LEANED IN for it?

It takes courage and sometimes it takes some extra effort to lean IN instead of OUT... but in time, leaning IN to the pain, taking the next step, you will arrive at your appointed destination. Trust God, and trust the journey. He has GOD-SIZED DREAMS in store for you to fulfill, if you just choose to continue to LEAN IN, despite whatever the circumstances sound, look, or feel like; no matter the opinion of others, or the manuals you've read that say their way is the only one.. If you trust GOD to help you LEAN IN with courage... soon you realize the sheer joy that comes from the run of your life, and that, in spite - or perhaps because - of your pain, you are more fulfilled because you know you ran with COURAGE.

The Courage to Live in a Culture of Honor

There is honor, and then there is the CULTURE of honor. I have learned this more than once, but it has not been so clear to me as now. As I get ready to read Danny Silk's book, Culture of Honor, I am excited to learn more about this wonderful and courageous, integrity-filled calling that we have been given. As part of Bethel Church in Redding, California, headed by such leaders as Bill Johnson, Kevin Dedmon, and Kris Vallotton, Danny and his wife, Sheri, are part of a movement that is helping to change America, and the world. That movement is the willingness to live in a CULTURE OF HONOR.

The Houghton-Mifflin American College Dictionary tells us that honor can be a noun, transitive verb, or idiom. To honor is to show one's esteem for another; to give the highest regards to another. It is to live with personal integrity in how we interact with those around us. It is a way of showing respect, recognition of others, dignity, and good reputation.

Photo from WeHeartIt.com

To live in a culture of honor is a RISK. But every time someone has risked greatly with faith, God has been there on the other side, cheering them on. If we think of Moses, Noah, Jesus, John the Baptist, the Apostle Paul, Esther, Ruth, and so many more from the time of the Bible... if we think of people who are risk takers we know personally: missionaries, pastors, prayer warriors, and circle makers of varying other sorts, we know that risk is a component of COURAGE as well as FAITH.

When we honor the people around us, honor ourselves, honor our authenticity, and most importantly, honor GOD, we are living proof that honor CAN be a culture to embrace.

So, clients and readers... there is a challenge here. I look forward to reading this text, very much, and I encourage you if able to do the same. It just may change your whole life perspective and alter the course of your life in a transformational thrust of  God's goodness. I challenge you to learn to live in a culture of HONOR!

Courage

What exactly is courage? It certainly gets confused with risk-taking and bravado sometimes, but that isn't a good definition, do you think? Courage, I believe, can be defined as "getting one's feet wet, despite being afraid of the water."

Another way to look at this is to take a stair at a time toward the heights of fear, or to step out in faith, like Indiana Jones in The Last Crusade, when he is instructed, basically, to jump into thin air. It isn't really that nothing is there... it's that without faith, it cannot be seen. Without courage to take action, faith is mere belief. And I say this not lightly, but to encourage.

Peter stepped out of the boat, and ended up walking on the water. Lepers were healed, blind saw, deaf heard, and dead were raised... and they still can be today. Indiana jumped, and his way appeared. This is where faith meets courage, or action.

Action plus belief, we read, equal true faith. Courage combined with belief. That's faith. Faith takes courage! And both are needed to grow...

As life coaches, as clients, as people with fears, as people who love, we all risk something at some point in order to grow.  If we refuse to move forward, we automatically stagnate, or worse, go backward, and so, in spite of our fears, we take baby steps; sometimes, we leap.

What is courage? It is the hand that holds faith as we walk through life... to help us become all that we can be!

Photo from WeHeartIt.com

Coming Off Hiatus

I appreciate everyone's patience during this past five months as I was on unexpected hiatus from my blogging here at Kura Kimanna, over at Honeylis Dreaming, and at The Color of Faith. It has been a long and lesson-filled time. I have met people I will never forget; lost people, similarly, who will never be forgotten; become more of who I am, as ever.

So, thank you, again, dear readers. Blogging will resume shortly.

Coaching in the Dark

Sometimes we have dark days, weeks, months, even years in our lives. While something like therapy or counseling is sometimes a great help, depending on what is going on, life or relationship coaching can also be an asset to someone who senses things are changing in ways they perceive are not conducive to their well being.

We can't change other people; we can't change every circumstance of life, but what we can change is how we interrelate with those around us, our words, actions, and attitudes. We can chose the higher road in the midst of the storm; the positive in the negative field around us. And having a coach can help in that process.

Coaching is about getting from where we are in life to where we need or want to be, to the extent that we do the work. Like a stagecoach of old that carried passengers from one place to another, a coach helps their client find who they really are, what they really want and need, and do so without judgment. While there are similarities to counseling, cheerleading, mentoring, and a lot of other means of communication, coaching utilizes a special set of skills to help create the best possible atmosphere for client learning, growth, and gain of potential. Coaching can help us become more authentically who we are and help us realize things about ourselves we otherwise might not.

So whether life these days is bright or dark, coaching can be beneficial to an overall better life. As a Christian coach, there is no fear of the dark because Christ is the Light that can be brought to any situation, any relationship, any decision.