Boundaries with and for Others

In the last post, we discussed boundaries and standards with one's self. In this one, I'd like to look at boundaries with others, which should stem from our standards.

Boundaries are there to tell people what is okay and what isn't. They tell people what we will stand for and what we will not. What are YOUR boundaries? Do you find yourself giving in? I know I occasionally have...

Boundaries can cover a lot of areas, including the following:

Boundaries with/for Others

·         Just say no… no need to explain (May your yes be yes, and your no be no)

·         Stay on the same stair

·         Physicality equal to relationship

·         I will wait only so long… time is precious and important

·         No guilt language… don’t tolerate it

·         No gossip or trash-talking… from self or others

·         Turn complaints into requests, and ask others to do the same

·         What would GOD say about that?

·         Call before coming over

·         Don’t assume I can, can’t, will, or won’t

·         If you’ve been around or eaten something I'm allergic to recently, don’t come around until it’s out of your system

·         What is your true intent? Be REAL…

·         Don’t bring cigarettes, drugs, or alcohol into my home

·         Don’t come into my home smelling like an ashtray or alcohol

·         Don’t curse in my home, or in my presence please

·         If you’re going to talk with me, speak the truth with love… don’t be harsh; I’ll do the same

·         Respect and keep your appointment times with me… if you can’t keep it, call as early as possible to let me know

·         Don’t talk down to me

·         Don’t try to proselytize me… I know what I believe

·         Get to know me for who I am rather than prejudging me on what I say or do or wear

·         Real relationships are always give and take… keep this in mind

·         Ask for what you REALLY want… don’t beat around the bush


What other boundaries can you think of? Where do your self-standards tell you you need to create a boundary with self or others in order to help you have a better life?

Self-Boundaries and Standards

There is a saying: boundaries are like fences, standards like walls. Sometimes, people get these confused and sometimes, people have then with or for others but not themselves.

When was the last time you checked the boundaries you give YOURSELF? When was the last time you did a self-check on your standards?

For those who don't do so on a regular basis, now might be a good time to reflect on these things.

Below is a sample list to help get you started:

Self-Boundaries and Standards

·         God above all, self care second

·         Love neighbors (those God calls to my life) as self… not above or below

·         Stop, listen, and observe before making an ultimate decision

·         I will represent Christ well

·         Ever-improve

·         Allow time for rest

·         Ask for help or clarification where needed… don’t be stubborn

·         Prepare well

·         Say “yes” or “no” respectfully and without reservations (2 sides to the coin)

·         Don’t push yourself over the limit

·         Know your limits and respect them

·         Treat others with respect, always

·         Choose actively, not passively

·         Hear others out, but don’t allow excuses

·         Don’t live complaints or excuses

·         Neglect negativity

·         Embrace growth, truth, love, grace

·         Ask for what you REALLY want

·         Practice spiritual disciplines from the heart, not from any other place

·         Toss out unnecessary to-dos

·         Remove blocks, tolerations, and fears: self-coach on them first; if necessary, ask others for ideas

·         Compliment and acknowledge… sincerely just because

·         If it isn’t 100%, don’t buy it (relationally, materially, etc)

·         Do it well, do it once…

·         Step out of the lie

·         Put faith into action

·         Don’t be party to anyone’s philandering

·         Don’t get sucked into unnecessary drama

Dream, Reality, and Imagination

The following is from an essay I wrote in 2002. Still powerful to think and ponder on.

What is a dream? I say that a dream is how we, as individuals, regard our lives in addition to the lives we imagine or hope to be ours. Dreams, in this context, are nightmares and fantasies we repute as reality, when it indeed isn’t. I believe that we are God’s dream. Inasmuch as He created us, how can we be anything but dreamers who create? For to create, we must dream first, otherwise there isn’t anything to produce. I think it’s one of the finer gifts God blessed us with when He fashioned us in His likeness. What God does in and through each of our lives as we dream throughout life, I believe, is the only time we truly see reality here on earth.

Reality, I think, is what God makes of our lives despite all our daydreaming, and imagination, both God’s as well as ours, plays a key role here. God utilizes our imagination to spread His Word and do His will. He does this through the gifts He has given us. I believe that’s why some people paint, others sing, others yet still preach, and others write. I believe God gives us these gifts to show us what reality truly is. I don’t think we’ll fully understand reality until we are ushered inside heaven’s gates and meet the Lord.

Sometimes, though, I anticipate we imagine that reality is what we make it. I don’t suppose we as humankind entirely understand that God is reality… and therefore we cannot comprehend it until we can see God face-to-face.

I imagine that one day, far into the future – in fact, when we hit eternity –we will each look back and see the reality of just how much of a dream we truly live in. We will understand, finally, I believe, the meanings of reality, dream, and imagination in that instant.

The Desacralization of the Godhead in America

It seems to me that God has been pushed from His throne in the eyes of most of the population of America, including that of much of assumed Christendom. This desacralization has been coming for decades and finally is to the point that elected now is someone who stands not for God and good, but for what he thinks the people need or want, even though the populace has spoken their concerns regarding many of his policies. It has happened more than one presidency in a row now, but at this juncture in time, it is more evident than usual, given the changed being fostered by the government, who now believes that it runs the people rather than the original intent of government, which is to SERVE the people and be monitored by the people. By their very choice of presidents and other officials, the people of the United states have created a desacralized view of the numinous aspects of Who God is. By their very choice, they have proclaimed Obama as the next best thing and some may suggest, even better… but to sacralize and holify a human being is to desacralize in their eyes the very God Who created that human being and wants to know him better, to guide and change him.  To sacralize Obama, Bush, or anyone else, is to idolize them. To do so is therefore to remove God from His throne and replace Him with that person.

Advertisements and products touting varying idols and gods as their symbologies reign the media to the point that unless you don’t have television or used the internet, you are bombarded with the idolatry of others thousands of times a day. Goddess shaving products and similarly-named perfumes are clear examples. Is it any wonder that the power of subliminal messaging has shown itself, sadly, to be effective here? They attempt to desacralized God by their very presence, seeming to think that He will all of a sudden not be sacred and holy anymore; that His very numinousness will just disappear, which will never happen… but in the United states, many observers would think it as true. They would agree with the philosophers, atheists, and polytheists who want to proclaim that the God of the Bible is dead. Thing is… He’s not.

That which was once considered morally incorrect is now considered nearly mainstream, and seems to be getting stronger as more and more people buy into the lie that living a sinful lifestyle should be a right, voted into law; that this lifestyle is not only “okay” but is natural; that there are people in government who want to teach the how-tos of homosexuality to our children as an alternative to the God-ordained, morally correct view of sexual relations within marriage, and marriage between a man and woman. This is to desacralize the gifts of sexuality, marriage, relationship, parenthood, leadership, and the law.

When will God-fearing Americans stand up? When will we get to the point where we say, “desacralizing the Godhead is no longer acceptable.” How much will be accepted by professors of Christ? How much will be too much?

Harmony, Love & Wisdom: The Same Thing?

There can be no harmony without love, nor love without harmony. Therefore they must somehow co-exist. And if true wisdom must forever be in harmony with biblical justice, which is the connecting piece between love and harmony, does wisdom equal harmony? Are wisdom and harmony the same thing, or is one part of the other? Do love and harmony mean the same thing, or are they merely co-existent?

If love and harmony are the same, and wisdom and harmony are the same, would that conclude that love and wisdom are one and the same as well? Are the three principles actually one thing with three different facets?

This I ponder.

Personal Branding and YOU

When you think of personal or professional branding, what are the first things you think about?

When you hear names like Nike, Sprite, KoolAid, Disney, or Michelle Kwan, what comes to mind?
Chances are, you think about what associates them to you in some way. You think about the swoosh, the green bottle, the KoolAid man, Mickey Mouse, and ice skating.
But what else do you think of, beyond these basics?

The following keys can help you to see how brands work, and can help you to figure out what will work for you if you allow yourself the time to really sit down and think about it.

• Success comes from a combination of value and brand recognition.
• Brands with power tend to "rub off" on others.
• Like a rubber band, a brand can be stretched... and should be.
• The stronger the brand, the stronger the survivability rate if and when things don't go as planned.
• Keep monitoring your brand and adjusting as necessary.

I have heard it said:
INTEGRITY, COURAGE, and STRENGTH are the Hallmarks of a GREAT Life Brand!!

Here is the challenge I pose to you:

Create some top ten lists of your talents, values, personal characteristics, and skills.

Once you've created the lists, figure out which two or three things from each is most important and noteworthy to you.

Ask a random sampling of people from your life to give you some key words describing how they see you. Do these things match up with what you have in your lists?
       If now, why not?
          You are presenting yourself differently from who you truly are when greeting the world.
      If that's the case, how can you change your image?
          You can start today by showing up in the authenticity of you. Follow the guide of your principles, the top ten lists you created, and your belief statements (see previous post). Highlight the things you see as most important from these resources called YOU. Continue to stick with it, no matter what.

Belief Statements

We all have things we believe. Things that help us to make decisions and things that guide us in life. But have those beliefs been really thought through and written down? Have they truly been guiding you?
 
Personal beliefs should act like a guiding star. They should be to us like the Star of Bethlehem, helping us find the path we should take. Without knowing what we believe, we are but wanderers through this life.

Below is my own example. There are nuances not added in here, but this is pretty basic. The beliefs I choose to disclose here are concerning my beliefs around the Godhead, though belief statements can be about anything from who we are to what we believe about nature, the world, or others.
 
Personal Statement of Belief

I believe in God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, for God is a Triune God, three-in-one. I believe God is both invisible, having no body on earth, and visible in His creation on earth, which testifies to His reality.

I believe that sin is the misappropriation or denial of God’s will, and that it skews both authenticity and relationship. It brings death.

I believe in Jesus Christ, Son of God and son of man, born of Mary, a virgin, baptized by John, ministered three years, crucified on a cross and raised again from his tomb to ascend to the right hand of God the Father. I believe Jesus saved humanity from its sins as its Redeemer, and that He lives always, from and in eternity.

I believe the Holy Spirit has always been, aids in the continued creation of the world, and was given to believers in Jesus Christ by Jesus Christ on the day of Pentecost. I believe He works in, through, and for the children of God on behalf of Christ and out of love for Him.

I believe the church is the corporate body of Christ, though it is imperfect, and being made perfect in Christ by the Spirit of God, is directed by the Spirit, and is the future bride of Christ at the end of time.